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I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish.
She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour.
I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken."

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Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU ARE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence.

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Today, after church, my 5 year old son asked me about God, so I answered his questions in full. We talked about God for over 2 hours. At the end of it all, he pondered for a moment, before saying to me "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. You are dumb."

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Today, my daughter in law taught my 4 year old grandson to burst into tears and yell, "Am I not good enough for you?" whenever I ask her if she's going to have any more children.

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My wife and I sometimes play a game when we go out. We don't stay right next to each other; we give the illusion we're not together. I watch the way she's treated when men think she's alone.

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